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from Viewfinder EP by Gardening

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about

I was thinking about how we often confuse being apart from the circumstances of certain feelings and anxieties with actually being over them. We believe we've grown and we're better than that now, but once we're back in the same environments, everything rushes back with a vengeance. I've had times in my life where this realisation has wrecked me for weeks and totally punctured my self-image, but the details of those examples are no fun, so here we've got someone having a total meltdown in an adult's soft play centre in some echo of a farcical childhood crisis.

lyrics

The latent options, seldom used
An inch beneath the surface, universal truths
When the villain said ‘we’re not so very different’
You were ready with your excuse
An appeal to a higher purpose
To squirm out of the noose

Can’t run, can’t hide
Can’t feel it coming side by side
I’ve been uncovered, don’t tell me to relax
Can’t run, can’t hide
Don’t touch me when I’m on my mind
I’ve been uncovered, don’t call it a relapse

You felt a sickness when you saw it
You knew it was a risk but you were used to it
You thought that might have been the end of it
But that was just the start
You had a tantrum in the ball pit
Spilled your champagne on the cushioned carpet
You thought you were immune, you were over it
But you were just apart

Can’t run, can’t hide
Can’t feel it coming side by side
I’ve been uncovered, don’t tell me to relax
Can’t run, can’t hide
Don’t touch me when I’m on my mind
Uncovered, don’t call it a relapse

I can’t change, can’t you see?
All that’s crawling in the back of me
Is just waiting for the opportunity to come around again
And all the mud in my head, all the things I wish I’d never said
It all builds into a phantom debt collected when I’m back here

(Crawling in the back of the head, things I wish I’d never said
Builds into a phantom debt collected when I’m back here)

Can’t run, can’t hide
Can’t feel it coming side by side
I’ve been uncovered, don’t tell me to relax
Can’t run, can’t hide
Don’t touch me when I’m on my mind
Uncovered, don’t call it a relapse

credits

from Viewfinder EP, released November 18, 2022

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all rights reserved

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about

Gardening image

Gardening London, UK

Anxious guitar-spanking musical project of Niall Rush, a London-based queer dweeb / studio rat

feat. friends, collaborators, and a gnarly live band

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