1. |
Vanishing
05:32
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I can only call it self-induced
Like moving on a chain
And falling in a dream
Like pulling on the chain
And bringing it to me
I'm made of different stuff
Can't you see your best is not enough
And I feel blind
And chemically entrenched
I don’t wanna lose it from the bench
All I want to do
Is put myself between myself and you
I can watch the smile drain from your eyes
You can call it what you want to but I know
It's a physical vice
You're reading from the verse
Can't you see your best just makes it worse
And in my mind
I never stand aside
I don't wanna lose without a fight
All I want to do
Is put myself between myself and you
All I want to do
Is put myself between myself and you
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2. |
Said Too Much
03:29
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Cornered inside their lair
I've been surrounded by all sides
Stranded on the AstroTurf at night
I want to gouge their little minds out
And when I hear the words start to leave the room
I feel the terror leave my eyes
Laughing when they ask me how I feel
Tired of cleaning up a mess I know they chose to make
Reminiscences like a corkscrew in my gut
Cowered in the corner
Trying to keep my dumb mouth shut
Maybe I believe I've said too much
Maybe I believe I've said too much
Sat on the brink with you
Every minute that goes by
I feel every knot start to loosen up
And all the fists unclench inside my chest
All the blood flowing in my veins
Is trying to pull me off a lie
And with your open heart and your open eyes
I think I maybe could insinuate a crack of light
Trying not to crawl into a foxhole in my mind
Coward in the corner
Shine a torch into my eyes
Maybe I believe I've said too much
Maybe I believe I've said too much
I believe I've said too much
Only I believe I've said too much
I believe I've said too much
I believe I've said too much
I believe I've said too much
Only I believe I've said too much
(I'm going down without a fight)
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3. |
1977
05:51
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Shouldn’t be this hard, but he built it up inside
Nowhere near too far for him not to fantasise
The pavement breathes
The streetlights seethe
The tension breeds
Floating faces stare, suspended through the night
Frozen in the air from the brake light red inside
His thoughts alone
Are not his own
But they're all he's known
Standing by the bar, feeling sober as a judge
Nowhere near too far, not until he feels a touch
A burning rise
In sharpened eyes
Two hands meet twice, no
Vanishing intent, and he can’t help feeling strange
Pressure so intense that he left untouched too late
They're not his friends
They're not his prey
They're not the same
A chance for the lonely
Give into if only
He’d catch what you showed me
But he feels the same
He's not made for this
He goes home to his wife and kids
And it grows
And it grows
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4. |
Relapse
03:55
|
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The latent options, seldom used
An inch beneath the surface, universal truths
When the villain said ‘we’re not so very different’
You were ready with your excuse
An appeal to a higher purpose
To squirm out of the noose
Can’t run, can’t hide
Can’t feel it coming side by side
I’ve been uncovered, don’t tell me to relax
Can’t run, can’t hide
Don’t touch me when I’m on my mind
I’ve been uncovered, don’t call it a relapse
You felt a sickness when you saw it
You knew it was a risk but you were used to it
You thought that might have been the end of it
But that was just the start
You had a tantrum in the ball pit
Spilled your champagne on the cushioned carpet
You thought you were immune, you were over it
But you were just apart
Can’t run, can’t hide
Can’t feel it coming side by side
I’ve been uncovered, don’t tell me to relax
Can’t run, can’t hide
Don’t touch me when I’m on my mind
Uncovered, don’t call it a relapse
I can’t change, can’t you see?
All that’s crawling in the back of me
Is just waiting for the opportunity to come around again
And all the mud in my head, all the things I wish I’d never said
It all builds into a phantom debt collected when I’m back here
(Crawling in the back of the head, things I wish I’d never said
Builds into a phantom debt collected when I’m back here)
Can’t run, can’t hide
Can’t feel it coming side by side
I’ve been uncovered, don’t tell me to relax
Can’t run, can’t hide
Don’t touch me when I’m on my mind
Uncovered, don’t call it a relapse
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5. |
Miracle
03:10
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Visionary felt the ceiling drift away
A thousand miles above the dining room today
And you know he awaits another miracle
And the words on the cake
Have let the silence in
Oh, what can you do
Oh, what can you lose
Oh, how would you like to pick another fight
Visionary just can't seem to shake the fog
Stares out the window like a catatonic dog
And he can't catch a break
He'd be scratching at the numbers till his hands turn grey
And you know he awaits
A hand that he won't play
Oh, what can you do
Oh, what can you lose
Oh, how would you like to push him off the side
Come into my arms
Administer the shot
We're gonna have to harm you some
But you won't fall apart
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Gardening London, UK
Anxious guitar-spanking musical project of Niall Rush, a London-based queer dweeb / studio rat
feat. friends, collaborators, and a gnarly live band
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